And Then There Was Four...

The days leading up to my scheduled induction were spent in a flurry of activity.   They were spent doing all the last minute things to try to prepare, and be ready to welcome a new little addition to our family.  Since this was all close to Mother's day, I spent alot of time thinking about my role as a mother. 

As as child, I was the girl who loved kids. Any chance I got, I was doting over a baby or entertaining a child. I loved babysitting, and just making kids smile.  I always knew that one day I would want to have children.  I am just thankful that I have been blessed with this opportunity.

I FINALLY got these pictures framed, and hung them up in my dining room. It is now the first thing I see when I come down the stairs each morning.  Although they are 2 years old, and now need an additional picture...they are some of my favorite images of my kids.  Seeing them everyday the past 2 weeks leading up to the birth of my 4th child has really helped me appreciate the blessing I have of being their mother. 

I have been trusted by my Heavenly Father to love, care for, and guide these children to hopefully someday return to their Father in heaven.  Such a lofty task, but thankful for the burden.  I may not be perfect in all I do, but I am trying.  I am trying to be the mother that He would want me to be.  I just hope that I can help my kids reach their full potential, and have some fun along the way.

Thursday night came, and the 3 little tikes went across the street to Auntie Nancy's (have I mentioned how much I LOVE living next to my sister!).  Our induction was scheduled for 3am so we didn't want to have to wake anyone when we left.  Everything went just as planned and was uneventful.  It was slow going, but totally normal for someone who wasn't really in labor when I arrived.  I got my epidural early on, so the day was spent taking naps, hanging out talking, and just waiting for the little guy to arrive.  When he was finally ready, the doctor was called.  The doctor came about 15 minutes later and was there for all of 5 minutes when our little babe made his debut into the world surrounded by his Daddy, Auntie Nancy, Auntie Cathy, and his Grandma Duke.  I swear if all of my deliveries were this easy I would have a million kids. 

Introducing

Grayson Charles

May 13th, 2011

4:20pm

7lbs 14oz

19 3/4 inches

Birth is such an amazing thing.  I still can't get over the emotion that swirls as you watch your child come into the world.  In a blink of an eye, I went from a mother of 3 to a mother of 4.  I lay there with tears in my eyes as the most beautiful thing was put into my arms.  I spent the next few days at the hospital taking in this pure gift from heaven.  I love the little moments that I get to have one on one with my babies while I am there.  For just those 2 days he is all that matters.  I get a little pampering from the nurses, but I also get to bond with my baby.  On Sunday, my honey came and picked me up...and now I get to share him with the rest of the family.

He may have been born on Friday the 13th...and some may say that is UN-LUCKY....but to me I was/am the LUCKIEST person on earth!

Things we missed

Going on our trip to Spain was one of the best things ever, but going there also meant some sacrifices. Since we were kinda along for the ride (Shawn's mission president planned the whole reunion) we had no choice on the dates that we were to travel there. Our travel dates just happened to overlap with Sydney's Dance recital, and Caden's last days of school.


I thought about them alot the during the day of their special events. I imagined their faces, and the excitement they had to be feeling. I could see little Sydney in her cute little tights. Her finger in her mouth the way it always is when she gets nervous. I heard her cute little voice singing the songs that she has been practicing for months in my head.


I was sad a little that day, knowing I was not there to cheer her on. To see it in action. To do her hair, and help her get ready for the recital. I had meant to stay for her dress rehearsal the week prior, but made another commitment without thinking. I was devastated when I realized what I had done, but could not change it then. Atleast I have wonderful family that were able to fill in for me. She did a wonderful job. I love my little dancer.


On Caden's last day of school my thoughts turned to the bag that I had prepared for him before I left. Swimsuit - check, sunscreen - check, water shoes - check, towel - check....everything he would need for a SUPER FUN WATER DAY. He had been telling me about it for months. Asking week after week when it was. I have tried to go to all of his class activities through out the year. I think I helped at each one except the Christmas one because we were moving that day, and now the end of the year 'Splash'.


I was glad that my sister, Nancy, had agreed to go in my place. She took the responsibility of following him around from activity to activity. I was happy yet sad at the same time as Caden relayed the fun he had that day over the phone.


I know these aren't super big events. Heck, the kids will probably not even remember that we weren't there. It just makes me sad because each day that passes I realize that I only have these children in my care for such a short period of time. I want to soak in every moment. To etch in my mind how precious they really are. To support them in every way that I can.


I can't say I regret going to Spain...I only wish I could have been in two places at once.

I Love Tuesdays!

Have I told you lately how much I love Tuesdays!? Why do I love them you may ask? Well, a few months ago Karyn, my kid swap buddy, called me and told me about a community orchestra that her high school orchestra director was directing. She and her sister, Kathryn, were going to enroll, and wanted to know if I would want to sign up to. The thought peaked my interest because I hadn't really played my violin for quite some time. I really have missed it. So I got up the guts and enrolled.

So now every Tuesday Karyn, Kathryn, and I drive together to the community college to play in an orchestra. It has been so much fun. I have really enjoyed getting to know them better, and I get to do something that I love in the process. After rehearsal we pick a place to go for a treat! It is our weekly "Girl's Nite Out." Something we have to look forward to every single week!

This Karyn, Me, Nicole (one of Karyn's H.S. friends & now my friend too!) & Kathryn

I think sometimes as a mother we tend to put everything off. I hadn't played my violin in forever! When I pulled it out to tune it before our first rehearsal, Caden said, "Hey, Mommy...what is that?" It tugged at my heart because it showed how much I didn't play it. I am thankful that I took a step to get some "me" time. I think me and my children will benefit from it.

Let me tell you a story...

Once upon a time, in the fall of 2006, there was a cute little boy who was coming up on his 3rd birthday. He had shown much interest in using the potty so his mommy thought it would be a good time to start trying to train him.

Things started out okay. The little boy got excited when he learned how to go pee pee. Mommy was even more excited because she dreamed of not having to change two sets of diapers everyday (they had a little sister). Little did Mommy know what kind of Potty Training Saga that she was going to face in the next year!

They had their ups and downs. He would do well for a while. Then have multiple accidents for days at a time. Mommy was so frustrated and didn’t understand why her little boy was so lazy and wouldn’t take the time to go to the potty. She almost resorted to going back to diapers, but just couldn’t do it.

Over time he did great at going “pee pee”, but for some reason kept soiling his pants. Mommy tried to be patient. All the books and research of the internet told her that she should treat these “accidents” non-chalantly. No emotion, and especially not anger – because according to “them” it would only prolong things. It was hard as time went on because she KNEW he could go in the potty, but just chose not to. It came to a point where it was almost a daily occurence. Finally after almost a year….she snapped!!!!! This is the scene that ensued…

The boy had just come out of “bummer time” and was making his way down the stairs.

“Mom, I think I pooped my pants.”

She was thinking NOT AGAIN!!! But told her son to come down, and she checked his pants. “No, there is no poop. Why don’t you go to the potty so you don’t get poop on your pants.” (She then lets out a sigh of relief.)

He pauses and seems to be thinking…he then says, “Nope…there’s no poop.”

She thought to herself…yeah right…but knew it would do her no good to take him to the potty. Besides, by now he is practically 4 – he knows when he needs to go. She proceeds to go to the kitchen to start dinner….and that is when it happened.

He rounds the corner doing his infamous cowboy walk. Bow legged trying not to let the “stuff” touch him. Then he utters the words again. “Mom, I think I pooped my pants.”

She always found it funny how he would say he “thought” he pooped his pants. He knew darn well he did…and that is when she had it! “That’s it! I am sorry, but I can no longer clean your pants! You knew you had to go potty and you CHOSE not to go! From now on it is not MY responsibility. If you want your pants cleaned…you are going to have to do it YOURSELF! It is YOUR job!”

The little boy looked at his mommy like a deer looks into headlights. He was shocked! He looked at his mom and said, “No it is not my responsibility…it is not my job. I am a little boy…I can’t do it.”

She was not giving in this time. She had cleaned too many pairs of underwear, and was sick of it…it had to end, and today was the day!!! “Let me ask you something…is that my poop in your pants? No- it is not! It is yours, and now it is your job!” She then led him to the bathroom, and removed all of the bath mats, and told him that once he had cleaned himself up then he could come out.

He began to cry. The thought of having to touch his poop was not very thrilling to him. He continued to whine about how it “wasn’t his responsibility, and that mommy needs to do it.” He got to the point of taking off his pants and tried to take off his underwear. In the process his mound landed on the ground and he was horrified. “Mommy, I can’t pick it up…it will get on my hands. I can’t clean my underwear, it’s not my job, it’s not my responsibility, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.”

Deep down his mom felt some remorse for putting her child through this, but she didn’t know what else to do. She felt like he continued to soil himself because it was easy. He didn’t have to stop what he was doing…he could just do it wherever he was, and then run and find Supermom, and she would save the day. He didn’t have to do anything. Mommy would clean it all up, and then he would go on his merry way. She finally figured that this had to be unpleasant for him…something he would remember, and she was not going to cave this time.

She sat and listened to the whining for almost an hour (yes she was that cruel…please don’t report her to C P S). She stood by and instructed him on what he needed to do to get things clean. She let him know that even when mommy cleaned him, she would sometimes have to touch his poop, but that he could wash his hands with soap when it was all done. He continued to whine as he picked up his poop, as he entered the bathtub to wash off himself, and as he cleaned out his underwear. But…Mommy stuck to her guns…she walked him through each step, but made sure that he did everything. After he was all cleaned up she let him know that from now on he would have to do it.

Fast forward to two weeks later…..SUCCESS!!!!!!! Despite a few tire tracks (which he still cleans himself) the boy has learned! Mommy is amazed at the change, and is asking herself why she didn’t do this sooner!!!

The End!

P.S. After much denial that baby sister was showing signs of wanting to use the potty (she will be 2 next week!) Mommy finally gave in, and bought some princess panties for baby girl. She is doing fabulous, and Mommy feels this time around is going to be much different. Here is to hoping.

Happy Birthday Caden James!

Yesterday I lived in the moment of celebrating my sweet little boys birthday. When Caden woke up we baked mini cupcakes to bring to his Pre-school class. We sang “Happy Birthday” and he blew out some candles on one of the cupcakes. I have been so exhausted lately that we decided that we would have a “party” for Caden and Sydney together on Sydney’s birthday (Sept. 29)…so I wanted to still make this day fun. Shawn even worked from home so he was able to come to Caden’s class. I think Caden was excited to have his whole family there.

After school we headed home. Sydney was tired so we put her down for a nap. Since Shawn was home, it gave me the opportunity to take Caden out to lunch all by myself. I asked Caden where he would like to go, and like every other child I know said “O McDonald’s” (yes, for some reason he always adds the “O” to it…I think it is cute.) It was so fun to go and not have to worry about anyone, but him. We sat, ate, and then he played for a while. Finally it was time to head back home.

Shortly after we got home…he ended up falling asleep. This doesn’t happen very often. I wish that Caden took regular naps, but he doesn’t anymore. Most of the time I don’t like him to take naps because then he won’t go to sleep at night, but when I walked into the room and saw this…I just let him sleep. My “baby” had wore himself out.

The day ended with us making the drive out to Joe’s Farm Grill where Caden got his free meal for his birthday. Nancy, Noah, and Maya joined us for the celebration. We ate, and then went to Nancy’s to swim. I don’t think we could have asked for a more perfect day!

Today my mind has reflected on the past, and how much it has changed over the last 4 years. For years ago today, I was sitting in a hospital bed holding a baby that me and my dear husband had just brought into the world. I was tired, in pain, but could not contain the joy I had for this sweet little spirit that I barely knew.

I say he was "little", but Caden was never "little". He was born weighing a whopping 9lbs 7oz! He has never looked back. He has always been big for his age, and now is no different. He is only 4, but weighs almost 48 lbs, and is over 44 inches tall. People always think he is atleast 5 or 6 years old. If it was my plan he would have been, but Heavenly Father is the one in charge.

Over the years I would come to learn that he was full of life and determination. I think that some time in the future when you look up the word “strong-willed” Caden’s picture will be in it. He knows what he wants, and you will be hard pressed to get him to do something that he doesn’t want to do.

I have spent so many days full of laughter at the silly things that he has done. For those of you who have been reading my blog for quite some time know about Caden and “His Prayer.” Little did I know when I uploaded it onto Google Video, to put on my blog, that it would end up becoming an email phenomenon a few months later. His little clip has been viewed by over 4,000 people in just about a month! I have always found it funny ( I mean-- I am his mother...we always think the things our kids do are funny! ), but never imagined it being spread to thousands! His prayer is just a glimpse of what a character he really is.

Now Caden isn’t always an angel. In fact, sometimes my heart aches at some of the choices he makes. I wonder what makes him be so mean sometimes. Why he doesn’t always listen, and seems to want to make my life such a challenge! (I can only imagine what life will be like when he becomes a teenager!) I just hope that I can be strong enough to guide him in the right direction so when he does grow up he will be a person that I can be proud of.

Having children has changed my life. It has helped me to become a better person, and truly understand how much you can love someone. I am so thankful to have Caden in my life. I look forward to his coming years as he grows and gains more understanding. At the same time, I will never let go of the little boy that tugged at my heart and changed my life forever.

An Amazing Woman

This past weekend has been long, exhausting, and traumatic. Now that it is all over I need to tell you about an amazing woman. That woman is my sister, Cathy. On Friday evening Cathy was admitted into the hospital because she had developed pre-eclampsia/toxemia in her pregnancy. Over the past couple of months she has had excessive swelling, and last week her blood pressure was rising. They ordered some blood work, and that is what landed her in the hospital. I hated hearing the nurses say it all weekend, but she was very sick.

I ended up going down there around 11:30 pm on Friday and was there until Sunday late afternoon. They had her on Magnesium (the nurses told her it would make her feel like she had been hit by a semi). She actually did well with it until later on Sunday. The Mag. was given to her to increase her threshold so that she wouldn't go into convulsions. The problem with that is it is a muscle relaxer for the uterus...so it was kinda counter productive for her induction. She was given a pill once every four hours that helped to soften her cervix, and get it ready for labor. This went on until 4:00 PM on June 2. That is when her water broke. Once her water broke they started her on pitocin. This made it very hard on her because we found out the baby was posterior (like Caden was) So with every contraction that she had there were shooting pains all across her lower back. This went on for 18 hours without an epidural! She was absolutely miserable. I wish that I could have done more for her. I was/am so amazed at how well she did with the pain. She was practically dilated to a 10 minus the little lip of the cervix that needed to thin out. Because the baby was already in the birth canal...his little head continued to hit up against that lip, and caused it to swell. There was no way that the swelling was going to go down, and that is when they opted for the c-section.

The c-section was very risky. The reason why they didn't do it in the first place was because her platelets were so low. Platelets are the cells in your blood that help it to clot. A normal person has 300,000 to 400,000 in their blood. When Cathy was admitted she only had 73,000. (In order to have an epidural your platelet level has to be atleast 100,000) They didn't want to have to do a c-section because there is a possibility that her blood would not clot. Her platelet level got as high as 95,000, but fluctuated alot through out the whole process. By the time it was decided to have the c-section they were up to 85,000. So she couldn't get an epidural or a spinal block. She had to be completely put out. Because she was put out, Jesse (her husband) could not be in the room. We sat in her room until they came and got us...when the baby was in the nursery.

She had the baby at 12:08 pm on Sunday, and he is doing really well. However, she was not. By the time she was going to go into surgery her kidney were not functioning very well. She was getting rid of little to no fluid...and then the fluid was practically just blood. She spent the next day in the ICU so that she could be under constant supervision. Yesterday she was finally upgraded in her status, and once a room opens up in post partum she will be able to move back downstairs, and be with her baby. She still has a long road for recovery, but atleast she is progressing.

Cathy really has been so strong through all of this. I know that she doesn't think so, but she really was. She hardly complained, and took each contraction like a trooper. She was completely exhausted because she really didn't get much sleep...she was awake for practically 48 hours. My heart ached for the process that she had to go through. My deliveries have been wonderful experiences, and hers was an absolute nightmare. She only got to see her baby for the first time almost 24 hours after he was born. I am just thankful that she is doing better, and she no longer has to deal with the pain that she has endured this weekend. It really is incredible the sacrifices that we make in order to bring a precious little child into this world. I want to introduce to the newest little member of my extended family. This is Dylan.

My journey for Caden

If you asked me when I was young what I wanted to be when I grew up...I probably would have told you a mother. For as long as I can remember I looked forward to the day when I would be able to have children of my own. I love children, and dote on them whenever I have the opportunity. There is something about a child that brings something alive inside of me. It helps me to have a lighter outlook on life, and just brings me so much joy when I am around them.

Shawn and I had been married about a year and a half (it was fall 2001) when we felt it was time to "start" our family. I was excited of the aspect of having a child, and just couldn't wait! Well, my Heavenly Father had other plans. Month after month of disappointment followed. I didn't understand why I was not pregnant. We had been trying for a whole year, and nothing. I wanted to be pregnant so badly, but was not willing to go to the doctor to find out why we were not pregnant yet. I was so fearful that they would tell me that I would never be able to have children. So instead I tried to do everything to educate myself.

The best book that I have ever read on the subject is Taking Charge of Your Fertility. It helped me to understand how my body works. I was able to arm myself with knowledge in case my worst fear came to. I charted, took temperatures, everything....still nothing happened. I had my beloved yearly coming in February, and came to terms that if I was not pregnant by then...I would talk to my doctor about it. That is when I think I finally gave into my fear, and gave it back to the Lord.

I knew in the end it was in His hands...he knew the timetable. Lo and behold after 15 months of heartache, and tears. I found out I was pregnant! That is when my journey began....

More to follow later!

My heart stopped...

My heart stopped for a moment today. Since yesterday was ate up by the photo session, I didn't get much done around the house. So today I set out do make a dent. I managed to do a bunch of laundry. Later in the afternoon the kids wanted to go out and play in the backyard.

I thought, "Great, go play, then I can clean the kitchen, and mop the floor while you are out there!" They jetted outside, and I started in. There was something on the counter that needed to be put away in my room. So me being in my "just do it" mode ran upstairs to put it away. When I turned around to head back down I glanced out the window...and that is when it happened. Just to give you a better feel here is the view from my bedroom window. Ignore the awning with the 'hanging by a thread' trim (yes we are cheap, and haven't got it fixed yet.)

As you can see our house backs up to a canal. When I glanced outside that gate was wide open and I saw someone dashing towards the canal! I don't think I had run faster in my entire life! Images flashed through my mind. I imagined rounding the corner to find one of my children in the canal and saw myself jumping in without a thought trying to save my child. Then I started my inner conversation about how stupid I was to not check on them sooner!

Instead I rounded the corner to see my son smiling back at me, and Sydney far away from the canal. I started yelling at Caden, and he just looked at me, smiled and said, "Mommy, look at all these seashells! (For whatever reason the dirt all along the canal is filled with them - I have no idea why!?) There were two other kids that were there that said they had run over to keep them from falling in. I don't know if Caden was that close, but I am thankful they were watching out for them.

I grabbed my two children, and went back through the gate and SLAMMED it shut! My heart was now racing out of fear, anger, and guilt! I don't know what I would have done if the scenerio that I played in my head happened in real life. I sat Caden down and told him that if he wanted to go out the gate that he needed to come and find me, and I would take him. I explained to him that I didn't want him going out there without me because he or Sydney could fall in the water, and drown, and if that happened Mommy would be sooo sad. I started to cry a little just trying to explain this to him. He innocently looked at me again, smiled, and said, "Okay, Mommy!"

He ran off and started playing again and my mind started to reel. I love my children dearly and I always have, but moments like this really bring you home to how deep your love really goes. My aunt lost a son a few years ago, and now that I have children my heart aches for the pain that she must have had to go through, and probably still goes through. I have the utmost respect for those mothers. Now I am slapping myself silly at how stupid I was today. I am just thankful that nothing happened.

There is a lock on this gate, but it didn't work too well. Sometimes you can jimmy it and it will open without having to take the lock off...and apparently that is exactly what happened. I had bought a different lock a while back, but couldn't get it on. Well today ladies and gentleman...I jammed that sucker on! I don't know if I can get it off, but that's okay. I don't need another heart attack!

Keeping Sheep

There are days that are harder than others. Sometimes I wonder what keeps me going. The other day I came across this post by My Little Corner of Chaos. She had read another post by Lisa Bearnson which had this song in it. I was so touched that it brought me to tears. I have always taken the responsibility of being a mother seriously, but this gave me such a deeper perspective. So turn up the volume, grab a tissue, and be touched by this powerful song by Lynne Perry Christofferson!

Keeping Sheep

Click here to listen to song

I have a little flock of sheep

And they are mine to tend and keep.

And I must guard them every day

For little lambs, when left alone,

Will lose their way.

So many voices say to me,

A sheep fold is no place to be.

Your time in there is dull and slow,

And lambs leave very little room

For you to grow.

Chorus:

So if I ever start to stray,

Deceived by thought of green pastures,

Remind me, Lord, that keeping sheep

Will lead to happier ever-afters.

Will lead to happier ever-afters.

Oh, surely there will come a day

When all the lambs have left my side,

And I am free to roam about,

And go exploring other meadows,

Green and wide.

Yet something whispers in my heart

That when my sheep have left this pen

I'll long to stoke their little heads,

To draw them close to me

And have them young again.

Repeat Chorus

So while they still are in my care

I pray that I will clearly see

These little lambs within my fold

Are tender gifts the Master Shepherd

Has given me.

You can learn more about the CD here

This song helps me realize how precious the moments can be in my child's life. How important it is for me to guide and direct them. I have been given such a wonderful, beautiful gift, and huge responsibility. I hope and pray that I can raise my children in such a way that I can repay my Savior for the blessing of being able to "tend His sheep."