The First 'Real' Date

Lots of fun things have been going on around here. We were able to go on a Disney Cruise, and had fun on our Anniversary yesterday. Not to mention the fact that I have yet to post about Christmas. Maybe someday I will get around to it. Until then enjoy another post about Shawn and I. :o)

This pic was not on our actual date, but we don't even have a pic of our first date!! :( I just like the picture.
Shawn and I met on August 28th, 1999. From the day we met we spent every day together (minus a few days he spent in Utah a few days after we had met). We always seemed to have a reason to get together with our friends. So even though we spent alot of time together and he had already said "I love you,"...we never really had been on a 'real' date. (You know where he actually asked me out, planned something, and paid for my dinner.) He finally got up the gumption, and planned something...and it was a date to remember.

It was September 17th, and he told me to 'dress up.' I was interested to see what he had planned, although I was not looking forward to driving in his car. He had a red Mitsubishi that seemed to have its exhaust pipe connected to his a/c system. The few times that I had been in his car I had practically gagged. So I was surprised when he showed up at my house in a very nice green sports car (he borrowed his Aunt's car).

He walked me to the car, and when he opened my door there was a Martina McBride CD on the seat. During those first few weeks of us meeting, a group of us went to see Runaway Bride in the theatres. Martina sang the song "I love you" in it, and that eventually became "our song." We put the CD in, and we were on our way.

Shawn had made reservations at a restaurant in Scottsdale called Sandolo's. It is an Italian restaurant at the Hyatt Regency. They had singing waiters, and then at the end of your dinner they gave you vouchers for a free gondola ride (the restaurant is still there, but it is called something else, no more singing waiters :( but you do still get a free gondola ride). While on our gondola ride, the driver sang to us, and then allowed Shawn to sing to me. It was very nice, and I love to hear Shawn sing every chance I get. I think he was just trying to schmooze me.

Later he wanted to take me to his friend, Keaton's house. Keaton was visiting home for the weekend, and he wanted me to meet him. I think his plan was to have him and Keaton sing songs to me or something (since he knows how much I love hearing his voice). We drove over to his house, and waited. We kept thinking Keaton was going to be showing up soon. We ended up sitting on his lawn, and started talking. We talked alot about what was going on in my head. What I had thought about his song, and how scared I was. Then he leaned in and kissed me. I think he was glad that Keaton never showed up, (although we found out later that he was there the whole time...but had crashed from pure exhaustion from his travels.)

I still can't believe our first kiss was on someone else's front lawn.

The Tape

Jenny & I before we went out

To read other segments of "Our Love Story" just click here.

Our Conversation

One of our engagement pics

For those of you just 'checking' in...I have been trying to document "Our Love Story" in honor of our 10 year anniversary this Friday. Just click on the link above to read the other segments. :)

"I'm sorry...what did you say?" I knew it was coming, but secretly hoped it wouldn't...I tried to act like I didn't know what he was talking about.

"My email, did you get it?"

"Which one (he sent me lots of emails)?" Again I professed ignorance. I was trying to dodge the inevitable. Then he just said it anyway...

"Well, I decided when I say goodbye to you I am going to say "I love you"....because that is how I feel"

There it was again. Crap...what am I going to say.

"Ummmm...well....Thanks. I am glad you feel that way, but I can't really say that right now." (imagine crickets chirping)

I felt awful. Was he going to hate me? Did I totally hurt him by not returning it with an "I love you, too." ?

I went on to explain. It wasn't like I didn't care for him. I did...but I wanted to make sure that I actually loved him before I told him. In my past relationships, I immediately felt like I LOVED the guy. Yet, in reality, I really had no idea what love really was. I was finally strong enough to not let myself go. To not just say I love you because he told me that too. I didn't want to lie to myself or to him. So I couldn't say it back.

For whatever reason, Shawn didn't seem to care. From that night forward, and any time we shared a conversation...he always told me 'I love you'. For me, that was a very humbling experience. How in the world could this guy continue giving with out getting anything in return?

My heart knew what it wanted, but my mind was holding tight....that is, until I got his tape.

The E-mail

This photo was taken 4 days after I met Shawn.
As I have mentioned before, I was not really interested in getting into a relationship. I had made a decision that I was not going to tell someone "I love you" until I was REALLY sure that I meant it. So it made for an interesting beginning when Shawn and I met.

We seemed to get together every single day since that Saturday for some reason or another. I really enjoyed being around him, but I was determined to keep us as 'just friends'. I didn't need the drama of another relationship. Yet as the days went on...denial totally set in.

I had to keep telling myself that I didn't really 'like' him. I just liked being around him. He made me laugh. He was easy to talk to. We always had fun when we together. Besides...we hadn't even been on a 'real' date...we were just 'hanging out.'

After only a few short weeks, I got an email from him that scared me to death. I don't remember exactly what it had said except for the end....it read something like this.

"So when I say goodbye to you, I am going to say "I love you"...because that is how I feel."

Holy Crap! I have only known this guy for about 2 weeks, and he was already professing his love to me!!?? I was taken back. I was still in denial, and didn't even want to think about if I 'thought' I loved him too. I decided to ignore it. I hoped that if I didn't respond, he would just let it go, and I wouldn't have to talk about it. I didn't want the awkwardness to come when I did not return the sentiment.

We met up later that day, and ended up talking about whatever when it happened...he asked me if I had gotten his email. Shoot!!!

I had to have this conversation after all....

The Day After

A few years ago I had started writing about Our Love Story. My plan was to continue on and finish it through out that year...obviously life took hold of me and I stopped after only two posts.

Well this coming Friday, February 26th, Shawn and I will have been married 10 YEARS!!! Over the past few weeks I have been thinking alot about those first moments that I had with him when we met. I was awful at documenting it in an actual journal and don't want it to go unwritten. I will start off where I left off, and hopefully post a little bit each day.

Enjoy reading. :o)

I remember waking up that Sunday morning. I went to my regular family ward, but also planned on going with Jason to the 'Singles Ward' where Shawn had invited him. At this point, I wasn't really looking for anything. I had a fun time with Shawn and his friends the night prior, but did not really want anything further than that.

We showed up at the church building and sat with Shawn. I noticed he took great care at explaining to Jason what was going on. It was a typical Sacrament meeting. It was interesting seeing him in a little different atmosphere. He was still very outgoing, and helpful to Jason. Yet he was very considerate of Jason and his feelings. I guess that was the missionary in him. He was very eager to share the gospel with him. After church we hung out a bit again. Someone had left some music near a piano. I picked it up, and began playing again. Shawn joined in singing. It was then again that I noticed how beautiful his voice was. I seriously could listen to it all day long.

Somewhere during that day he pulled out his rusty ol' planner (remember this was over 10 years ago...people didn't use their cell phones as much as they do today.) and he asked for Jason's phone number. I sat there wondering if he would ask for mine, but at the same time didn't really think much about it either. Then he turned to me and did. My heart jumped a little, but I shrugged it off....we were just friends after all.

The Night We Met...

You can find the first part of Our Love Story here.

I had spent the whole summer playing phone tag with a friend that I had made in my World Religions class that spring. His name was Jason, and he had moved here from New Mexico with his family. He was a couple years younger than me, but really didn’t know many people here. I had offered to have him hang out with me and my friends and finally, in August, we were able to find a time that both of us were available.

It seemed like from the beginning there was a higher hand involved in this evening. I started to plan what we would do. As I called all of my friends, they all ended up being out of town or had family obligations that would not allow them to come along and ‘play’ with us. I was disappointed that Jason would not be able to meet them, but we decided to go to a movie, and then to a place where a local swing (40’s swing) dance was being held.

After the movie, we headed to the swing dance only to find a sign on the door saying that it had been canceled! I couldn’t believe it! It seemed that nothing that I had planned was going right that evening. My last resort was to head over to the Country Singles Dance.

I had vowed to never go there ever again. I had been in the past, and was always stalked by this particular guy that really creeped me out. Yet, this was the only place for us to go…so we made our way there. Little did I know that going there that night would change my life forever.

We entered the cultural hall (church gym), and started mingling. I have grown up here all of my life so I always seemed to see someone that I knew. Sometime during the night, I left to go get a drink of water. As I was making my way back, I passed this guy. We made eye contact, I said “Hello”, and kept walking. The next thing I knew, someone was tapping me on my shoulder. It was the same guy I had just passed, and he was asking me to dance.

He was pretty funny. Tall, skinny, and kinda made me laugh with some of his dance moves. We made as much conversation as you can while trying to country swing to a fast song. After the song had ended, we chatted a little bit more. His name was Shawn. He also grew up here. He knew my cousin, and I actually knew some of the friends that he had come with. I told him about Jason, and how he was new in town, and needed to meet people.

Shawn jumped on that as soon as I opened my mouth. We made our way back to Jason, and before we knew it we were all hanging out together. Shawn introduced Jason to all of his friends. He spent the rest of the dance trying to make Jason feel welcome. After the dance was over, Shawn invited us to meet over at Wendy’s to get some frosty’s.

We headed to Wendy’s, downed our treats, and then somehow ended up at a girls house playing pool, and singing songs around a piano. Shawn had ended up asking Jason if he would like to come to his ward the next day. I couldn’t believe how bold he was, but Jason was glad to accept and wanted me to come along too.

I went home that night thinking that it was so nice that Jason was able to meet some great people. I thought Shawn was a very outgoing person, and was glad that he made Jason feel so welcome. I went to bed thinking that Shawn was going to make such a good friend.

Being 'Prepared' for Love

As I get older I realize how much our Heavenly Father really understands, and knows me. He really knows what we need in our lives to prepare us for our future. I have mentioned it before on my blog, but my ULTIMATE quote is this:

Every person God puts into our lives,
Every experience that He gives us,
Is the PERFECT preparation
For the future only HE can see.

As I look back into my past, the years of 1998 & 1999 were very hard for me relationship wise. I had been through multiple relationships that never seemed to pan out. Yet it was those very heartaches that prepared the way for me to meet Shawn.

My ‘preparation’ began in the spring of 1998. I had just sent off my missionary only to have him return a month later with health issues. That was the beginning of a drama that kind of opened my eyes as to whether or not I wanted to be a part of his family. I cared a lot about him. Heck, I was sure we were going to get married, but things changed once he actually went back into the field (on his mission.) We continued to write, but I also continued to date.

That is when I met Joel. He was funny, and so much different than Brodie. For the first time I realized that there was someone else that could make me happy. I immediately was smitten with him, and thought it possibly could go somewhere. We dated for about 6 weeks, but he ended up falling for my good friend Becky. Coincidently they ended up getting married!

So life went on, and so did my quest. I still don’t understand why I thought it was so important to be ‘in love.’ I think that was where my problem lied. I was so busy trying to find someone to ‘love’ that I really didn’t know who I was and what I really wanted.

I even ventured into the online world, and met a guy named Brad. He was funny, sweet, and I found myself thinking I was ‘in love’ once again. The problem was that he lived in Oregon, and I lived in Arizona. He actually came down here, and I went up there…yet as everything goes…it just didn’t work out.

I then went on to meet Tim. He was that hot guy that everyone always wanted. Muscles, quiet, and I thought he was great. He was a family friend of one of my very good friends, Jenny. I was floored that a guy like that would actually like a girl like me. We hooked up, and as always, I was ‘in love’ quickly, only to have my heart crushed when he dumped me for the bubbly girl with larger umm…hands. :)

That was when I had it. I really took a step back in self reflection, and learned something about myself. In all these relationships, there was one thing in common. I would meet a guy. I would like the guy. I would then try to change myself in hopes of attempting to have him like me back. For instance, with Brodie, he LOVED everything and anything Volkswagen. I have never had anything really against the make, but suddenly I LOVED them as much as he did. When I looked at all my past relationships, I saw that trend. Their loves became MY loves. I was never really myself.

I also found that I was so obsessed with the idea of being ‘in love.’ I would immediately think that ‘I loved him,’ that we were so perfect for each other. I think I seriously wore my heart on my sleeve. I so desperately wanted someone to love me back. I would give my love away so quickly, only to have it stomped upon.

That was when I made a decision. I knew that I really needed to find out who I was. What did I really want in a relationship? What qualities did I really want in a man? I wanted to make sure that the next time I professed my love to someone…that I REALLY meant it. That I REALLY knew that I loved him, and that I wasn’t just in love with the idea of being ‘in love.’ I now just wanted to have fun. Get to know guys, and really find the qualities that I wanted in an eternal partner. I didn’t want to get serious; I just wanted to have fun for a while before I settled down.

So the fun began. I dated up a storm, and had so much fun meeting all sorts of people. I reflected back on my past relationships, and figured out what I REALLY liked about the personalities of each of those people. I was in no hurry to jump into any type of relationship. For once in my life, I knew what I wanted. I was sure of whom I was. I had finally found my true self.

As with everything, that is when Shawn entered into my life.

To be continued....