Tuesday, March 13, 2007


It is hard to describe how I have been feeling lately. I feel like I have been at a standstill. There are so many things that I want to do, to accomplish, but for some reason none of it is happening. At times I feel like I am stuck in a glass box, watching everyone around me go places...but I am stuck inside. For those of you who are regular readers you probably have noticed the lack of posting. I am sick of the rut that I have been in and there are many changes that I need to make....but with everything...it takes time. I have had many things on my mind, but haven't had the time to get them all down.

A few days after I got back I received a phone call from a woman in my ward (church). I called her back and was floored when she asked if I would be able to substitute teach for Relief Society (class for women). I have never done this before and was absolutely terrified, but said I would do it. Little did I know that the lesson that was assigned would be the thing that I needed most. The topic was "Prayer, the Passport to Spiritual Power"

As I read through the lesson, I felt so inadequate to even give this lesson. To tell the truth...I am really bad at saying my prayers. I don't know why, but I am. I know how important it is to pray, yet night after night I will go to bed without dropping to my knees. This lesson humbled me, and helped me realize that there are many things that need prioritizing. I love my Heavenly Father...I would be nothing without him, and I feel terrible that I haven't turned to him more.

I feel like a hypocrite at times. I go to church faithfully every week. I take the sacrament. I will talk about how important the gospel is to me. How I can't live without. Deep down it is true...I know, but my actions are half spent. I know prayer is important - vital! I know that I am a stronger person when I pray regularly. So why do I struggle with it so much!? I need to do better.

I think that is why my life has been so crazy lately. I have failed to acknowledge His hand in all that I do. Since last week I have made a commitment to take more time. To reflect, to ponder, and thank the Lord for everything that I have. I can already see a difference, and I am making a goal to do better. It is funny how well He knows us. He knows exactly what we need, and this lesson was the swift kick in a butt that was long overdue.

Anyway, Sorry for the pity party...on to other things. I had a blast on our vacation, but was kinda bummed that I was gone for the majority of the Ultimate Blog Party. I feel like I will never be able to catch up with all the people that are on that Mr. Linky. I will try to get through some each day, but I think I will be trying to get through the list for weeks. I hope to get a post up about some of the blogs I have already found, that I have bookmarked. There are some fun ladies out there.

Things are finally starting to get back to normal, and I am looking forward to the next few weeks. It is good to be back...and hopefully I will get out of this rut!

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Rosie said...

I felt that that lesson was great! I know that prayer helps. I have had to change the way that I pray, however. It is so easy to get into the routine of prayer. I believe that we have to be very detailed. Instead of so vast---bless us, it needs to be specific-bless me to enjoy this child. Prayer can bless our lives. I am glad that you had the opportunity to teach--perhaps it was your Heavenly Father that knew you needed a little help!

An Ordinary Mom said...

Prayer is my lifeline, but remembering to pray every morning and night doesn't happen with the drop of a hat. However, it can become a habit ... I am speaking from experience. He will help you.

It is always hard to come back from vacation and get back into normal life, you are probably just adjusting. Hang in there! You are strong, you can overcome, you can do it!

Overwhelmed! said...

I can so relate to this! My prayer life is suffering right now too. I like the suggestions that Rosie gave.

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