Uggh!

It is hard to describe how I have been feeling lately. I feel like I have been at a standstill. There are so many things that I want to do, to accomplish, but for some reason none of it is happening. At times I feel like I am stuck in a glass box, watching everyone around me go places...but I am stuck inside. For those of you who are regular readers you probably have noticed the lack of posting. I am sick of the rut that I have been in and there are many changes that I need to make....but with everything...it takes time. I have had many things on my mind, but haven't had the time to get them all down.

A few days after I got back I received a phone call from a woman in my ward (church). I called her back and was floored when she asked if I would be able to substitute teach for Relief Society (class for women). I have never done this before and was absolutely terrified, but said I would do it. Little did I know that the lesson that was assigned would be the thing that I needed most. The topic was "Prayer, the Passport to Spiritual Power"

As I read through the lesson, I felt so inadequate to even give this lesson. To tell the truth...I am really bad at saying my prayers. I don't know why, but I am. I know how important it is to pray, yet night after night I will go to bed without dropping to my knees. This lesson humbled me, and helped me realize that there are many things that need prioritizing. I love my Heavenly Father...I would be nothing without him, and I feel terrible that I haven't turned to him more.

I feel like a hypocrite at times. I go to church faithfully every week. I take the sacrament. I will talk about how important the gospel is to me. How I can't live without. Deep down it is true...I know, but my actions are half spent. I know prayer is important - vital! I know that I am a stronger person when I pray regularly. So why do I struggle with it so much!? I need to do better.

I think that is why my life has been so crazy lately. I have failed to acknowledge His hand in all that I do. Since last week I have made a commitment to take more time. To reflect, to ponder, and thank the Lord for everything that I have. I can already see a difference, and I am making a goal to do better. It is funny how well He knows us. He knows exactly what we need, and this lesson was the swift kick in a butt that was long overdue.

Anyway, Sorry for the pity party...on to other things. I had a blast on our vacation, but was kinda bummed that I was gone for the majority of the Ultimate Blog Party. I feel like I will never be able to catch up with all the people that are on that Mr. Linky. I will try to get through some each day, but I think I will be trying to get through the list for weeks. I hope to get a post up about some of the blogs I have already found, that I have bookmarked. There are some fun ladies out there.

Things are finally starting to get back to normal, and I am looking forward to the next few weeks. It is good to be back...and hopefully I will get out of this rut!