Thursday, February 19, 2009

Permission or Forgiveness

There are many things that I feel inadequate about when it comes to me being a wife and mother. When I was young I always imagined being the 'perfect' wife. The one who always looked put together, who made home cooked meals every night, who kept her house sparkling clean.

Then I got married....then had 3 kids....and now I realize that I am far from that 'perfect' wife that I was sure that I was going to become. It is hard for me to admit that I can't do it all. There are days I am lucky to get a shower, nights where I have no idea what to cook, and my house is buried under piles of laundry, dishes, toys and dust.

It really was depressing to realize that no matter hard I tried...I just couldn't keep up. I am lucky enough to have a wonderful husband who goes to work everyday to earn enough money for me to stay home with my 3 little tornadoes. If I am home all day...then I should be able to do it??? For those of you who are able to do it...please help me out.

My sister has the same floorplan as me. She has a few ladies come every other week to her house. She suggested that I have Berta come and do mine too. Part of me didn't want to do it for a couple of reasons.

  1. I didn't think Shawn would want to pay for something he thinks I should be able to do on my own.
  2. If I did have her come...it would fully admit that I am a failure when it comes to this department

After much prodding by Nancy, and her friend Stacy...I finally agreed to have her come. The only problem is that I didn't tell Shawn. Yes I know, probably not the best idea, but I knew if I asked him, he would say no...and honestly I really needed it. So I decided was going to have to ask for Forgiveness rather than permission.

I have felt like I have been treading water (and it is not just from the move...I had this problem in our old house too). I felt like all I was ever was surface cleaning. Trying to keep up with everything was all I could do. It didn't seem to matter how much I tried to "manage my time better" it was never enough. I needed some help.

I cannot tell you how wonderful it was to come home from dropping Caden off from school today. 2 women worked on my house non-stop for 4 hours!!! That is 8 hours of cleaning that would have taken me even longer! Now I have to time get to some of the projects that I have been putting off, and spend more time with my kiddos because I don't have to scrub my floors. Some may think I am lazy, but this is just what I needed. Maybe this can help me get the self depracating tape that I have running in my head everyday. I sure hope Shawn feels the same way.

Wish me luck.

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Justin said...

Hahaha... good luck!

I agree with you though. We had a lady help Kristi and I, and it was wonderful. :)

Rhi said...

Can I just say lucky. I feel like you but I only have two kids to manage. So I think you are a super mom to do it all. Most days I'm to tired to work on a big deep cleaning project. I try to at least one a day but it never seems completely done. I wish someone could just come in and do all the deep cleaning stuff.
I wouldn't feel bad, just feel lucky that you have more time to spend with your family.

TIFFANY & CO. said...

First of all, don't feel bad that you need help. I think it's a great idea, esp if it allows you more time to do what's important ... taking care of & playing with your children. Now if you use your extra time to watch the tube every day ... probably not good. Show or prove to Shawn why this is a good thing! :) I've seriously considered getting some help after JOel is making some money ... I'd love someone to tutor Marina ... at least a few hours a day cause 5+ hours out of my day is just too much. And why do I need to clean bathrooms, scrub baseboards, etc??? Really studpid stuff that we should pay others to do. My only concern with my thinking is that I don't want my kids to miss out on the chance of learning how to work, but it seems like there's always plenty to go around! :) Enjoy this little treat!

TIFFANY & CO. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ken_and_Becky said...

You are definitely not alone! No matter how many hours there are in the day, a mom can never keep up with the mess that the kids (and husbands) make and I hardly ever cook because I suck at cooking and we have laundry piles galore. Hopefully Shawn sees that it's something you really need and he will either help or let you find help :)

Karyn Olson said...

Just tell him you did it. And say, "thanks for noticing my hard work!" ha ha. then tell him you worked so hard today that you could really go for some take-out. :)

tammy said...

I totally think you deserve it! It's hard to keep up when you have little ones. Now that mine are both in school, it's much easier and kind of relaxing to get it done. Plus you want to be able to spend your time with your kids, not cleaning up all day long. Time goes by so fast and they're only little once. You don't want them to remember you as always cleaning, but rather spending time with them. (Feel free to tell your hubby that.)

Becca said...

I'm jealous and would love to do that! I always feel like my house is so trashed. Mostly because there is never enough room. Also, the 2 houses that we have lived in I was never proud of them so it wasn't very good motivation to keep it clean. We are moving in 3 weeks to a beautiful home with new carpet and nice hard wood floors. Something I will be proud of and not embarrased to have guests. I'm sure I'll do a better job with that house keeping it clean. But if not...atleast I have trained my husband not to expect too much! he he!!

Elisa said...

I have to tell you how much I can relate to your post...and I don't even have 3 kids! But I always thought I would be the perfect Martha Stewart/Mrs. Cleaver/domesticated wife as well.

Lewis would never ever go for us paying for someone to come in and clean, but I hope to someday change his mind. I have even offered to scarifice something in our budget, but I think he feels his "personal" space would be invaded. I think he and Shawn feel the same way about money, from what I have gathered from your and your postings.

I hope Shawn understands. Maybe he just needs to "see it in action" to see how beneficial it is. Good Luck!

And yes, in some cases, it is much easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission.

Let us know how it turns out!

Patrice said...

I've had cleaners at different times in the past, and I was so grateful for each and every time they came. I'm thinking I need them again!! Give Shawn more credit . . . I have a feeling our husbands understand.

blah, blah by lindsey said...

oh how i wish i could have someone come clean...i would definitely ask forgivness for that instead of permission.

did i email you that article what do you do all day? if not, let me know and i will send it to you

Suzanne said...

If I could afford it I would totally do it. I frequently tell my children "I am your Mom not your maid". I don't enjoy housework, I do it and usually don't mind but it gets old really fast and with little people messing it up as fast as I clean it, I feel like I have wasted my time.
I think at the end of the day if it makes you happy and you get to enjoy your family more then it was a good thing to do.

Alleman Family said...

I am so jelous! I want a cleaing lady!!

Kim said...

I could use one for my house too. I would love a laundry folder, bathroom and bedroom cleaner. The rest I think I could do on my own. Oh and have them clean my floors.

kemra said...

I can totally relate, except that I only have 2 kiddos! When I got pregnant with this one, I broke down & decided to get someone to come and help out with the cleaning! I still get a little embarrased, because I too, feel like I stay @ home so I should be able to take it all on...I'm starting to be OK with it though! Sometimes we just need help!

Don't beat yourself up about it! Enjoy it!

Carl and Starla said...

Oh, how I wish I could have been a fly on the wall in your house when you told Shawn this! I bet his reaction is classic Shawn. So fun. So please do tell what his reaction was, k. Also, I understand not ever getting on top of things in the house. I have the same problem, but see, I don't think the problem is really me, I feel it is those lazy dishes that just won't wash themselves are the ones to blame...and their best friends, the laundry, are just as lazy!

Crazymamaof6 said...

no guilt! no one can do it. i believe and have noticed the people that have spotless houses while having little kids don't actually spend time with their kids. or rest. or their husbands.
there isn't enough time in the day.

if doing a little less housework, give you a little more sanity, and less stress. enjoy! maybe you'll have a little more time for Shawn.

i have an Erma Bombeck clipping in my wallet. maybe i'll google it or scan it and email it to you.

Crazymamaof6 said...

just kidding it is ann landers.

H said...

You are providing work for someone else, there's no guilt in that. You gained a day by 2 women cleaning for you... how much is your 8 hour day worth? I hope you get forgiveness/

sherry said...

When it comes to Shawn, I say you were wise to go the forgiveness route. And you know I feel your pain, because you have seen how messy my house gets with 5 kids. If I had the money, I would use a maid in a heartbeat! My sisters have cleaners, and have been trying to talk me into it for years. If I could, I would! Try to sweett talk him into getting someone to come over regularly.

Tonya said...

I have thought about a cleaning lady but my hubby says that they clean around clutter so I would still have to clean before they came! Lots of my friends have them come every other week or once a month.

Don and Amy Bennion said...

So what did Shawn say? :)
My sister does the same thing...every other week. She loves it, too.
Amy

Dani said...

I miss you so much Crystal! I'm so proud you made that decision so that you could enjoy your life and the things you want to do.I agree with Crazymamaof6 in whole. where did you move to?

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