My heart stopped...

My heart stopped for a moment today. Since yesterday was ate up by the photo session, I didn't get much done around the house. So today I set out do make a dent. I managed to do a bunch of laundry. Later in the afternoon the kids wanted to go out and play in the backyard.

I thought, "Great, go play, then I can clean the kitchen, and mop the floor while you are out there!" They jetted outside, and I started in. There was something on the counter that needed to be put away in my room. So me being in my "just do it" mode ran upstairs to put it away. When I turned around to head back down I glanced out the window...and that is when it happened. Just to give you a better feel here is the view from my bedroom window. Ignore the awning with the 'hanging by a thread' trim (yes we are cheap, and haven't got it fixed yet.)

As you can see our house backs up to a canal. When I glanced outside that gate was wide open and I saw someone dashing towards the canal! I don't think I had run faster in my entire life! Images flashed through my mind. I imagined rounding the corner to find one of my children in the canal and saw myself jumping in without a thought trying to save my child. Then I started my inner conversation about how stupid I was to not check on them sooner!

Instead I rounded the corner to see my son smiling back at me, and Sydney far away from the canal. I started yelling at Caden, and he just looked at me, smiled and said, "Mommy, look at all these seashells! (For whatever reason the dirt all along the canal is filled with them - I have no idea why!?) There were two other kids that were there that said they had run over to keep them from falling in. I don't know if Caden was that close, but I am thankful they were watching out for them.

I grabbed my two children, and went back through the gate and SLAMMED it shut! My heart was now racing out of fear, anger, and guilt! I don't know what I would have done if the scenerio that I played in my head happened in real life. I sat Caden down and told him that if he wanted to go out the gate that he needed to come and find me, and I would take him. I explained to him that I didn't want him going out there without me because he or Sydney could fall in the water, and drown, and if that happened Mommy would be sooo sad. I started to cry a little just trying to explain this to him. He innocently looked at me again, smiled, and said, "Okay, Mommy!"

He ran off and started playing again and my mind started to reel. I love my children dearly and I always have, but moments like this really bring you home to how deep your love really goes. My aunt lost a son a few years ago, and now that I have children my heart aches for the pain that she must have had to go through, and probably still goes through. I have the utmost respect for those mothers. Now I am slapping myself silly at how stupid I was today. I am just thankful that nothing happened.

There is a lock on this gate, but it didn't work too well. Sometimes you can jimmy it and it will open without having to take the lock off...and apparently that is exactly what happened. I had bought a different lock a while back, but couldn't get it on. Well today ladies and gentleman...I jammed that sucker on! I don't know if I can get it off, but that's okay. I don't need another heart attack!